Forbidden Mistakes in 2017: Technology Edition

 

I’m old enough to remember the day my father unboxed our first home computer. It looked like a six-pack case of soda sitting on its end, and it weighed 3,000 pounds. This was long ago when Apple was still calling their units by its full name: “Macintosh.”

Ah, yes. Back in the day when you could get “free internet” by grabbing a free trial America Online CD-ROM from a grocery line, and if you were patient enough to wait through the beeps and static (and prepared to tie up your home phone line) you could be on the internet talking to fifty-year-old pedophiles posing as teenage girls in about ten minutes. That was the actual complete loading time: ten minutes.

Thankfully, times have changed. We have smart phones, wireless computers, tablets, watches that can surf the Internet; technology has made so many improvements. However, there are still some mistakes you’re still making and it is just unacceptable.

Here are 10 technological mistakes you are no longer allowed to make in 2017:

  1. Hitting “Reply All” in emails

I get it. You’re rushing, you’re probably using your phone, and you’re trying to make sure that you ask the question you have in your brain before you forget; but we don’t all need to know this! This can be easily avoided if you pay attention and click “Reply,” or if you just look in the “TO” section to see if everyone in the office is about to read the question that you’re about to ask…that was probably answered in the original email…but that’s another post.

  1. Sending a text message to the wrong person

Slow down there, champ. I’m glad that you can carry on multiple conversations simultaneously. Your multi-tasking skills are on par with that of an angsty teenager, congratulations. Here’s the thing, a quick glance to the top of the screen will tell you whom you’re talking to. Just a quick glance will save you from embarrassment. And if the top of the screen is too far, just look right above the text that just came in or the one you just sent. Tah-dah! You can now fairly deduce that you probably wouldn’t have just asked your mom what she’s wearing followed by the eggplant emoji.

  1. Making carless careless grammatical errors on social media

Almost every social media platform gives you the ability to edit your posts (except for Twitter…. get it together Twitter!) This miraculous edit option is even accessible from your mobile device. This way, you can correct any mistake you’ve made. Missing the “y” off of the word “they?” Hit the edit option. Accidentally omitted a word? Hit the edit option. Interchanged “their” with “there or “they’re;” or “you’re” with “your?” GET YOUR LIFE TOGETHER!!! Sorry. Hit the edit option. It’s simple.

  1. Recording in portrait mode, and then switching to landscape.

I know. You’re trying to catch something before it ends. You fumble to get out of the game you’re playing to get to your camera, hold your phone up, realize it’s in portrait mode and turn it to landscape. This. Doesn’t. Work! I’m pretty sure they make a phone model that will allow you to change perspective in the middle of whatever you’re capturing, but you don’t have that kind of phone! You’re committed to how that recording started, just acquiesce and do better next time. Which kind of segue ways into…

  1. Forgetting there are camera phones

You should noooooot forget this. Don’t ever forget this. This is a thing.

  1. Asking closed questions on social media platforms

Just Google it…seriously. Want to know what time that store opens? Just Google it. “Well, I’m not of the Google Generation.” Fine. Ask Jeeves. Whatever, I don’t care. The time it took you to type the question, post it, and then wait for answers, you could have literally gotten the answer faster if you just visited the popular search engine.

  1. Believing the African Prince is going to give you money

Honestly, I didn’t know that people were still getting scammed by emails…but I Googled it (see how that works). The FBI says that in the past three years $2.3 billion has been lost to people falling for these scams. TWO POINT THREE BILLION DOLLARS! What are you all doing? The IRS is not going to email you about your taxes. Your bank is not going to email you about “double checking your password.” Your “friend” is not going overseas after having coffee with you yesterday, get robbed, and then need you to wire them $5,000. And for the love of all that is Internet, there is no prince or princess overseas that needs you to cash a check in America! Stop it! Delete the email…..and maybe change your password.

  1. Believing that billionaires or airline companies are going to give you free things.

Just…no. No. All of the nopes.

  1. Forgetting that screenshots exist.

My mama used to say that if you don’t want anybody to know anything, don’t put it in print. When you’re writing out a status that could quite possibly start an argument in the human world and not just the no consequence virtual world that you live in… don’t type it! Take a pause and ask yourself, “If my boss saw this will I still have a job?” If the answer is no, just don’t do it. Call somebody that loves you and tell them the controversial thing you were going to type. You two can have a good racist laugh together. (I mean…we all know it was racist. Those are the posts that get people in trouble.)

And the number #1 mistake?

  1. Sharing memes containing misinformation.

Yooooouuuu just doooon’t doooo this! Stop doing this! STOP IT! Remember #5? This is when you use that! And just use your common sense, people, I mean really. Some of this stuff is just impossible and you know it. And do us a favor; when someone tells you, because you won’t take my advice, just delete it! Don’t try and justify the wrong of all that wrongness. Erase it and people will forget…well, unless #2 happens.

You know I’m right.

-Danita LaShelle

3 Comments Add yours

  1. I.Am.Tash. says:

    I would love to pass this around to everyone at my job regading #1. *hard eyeroll*

    Like

  2. I.Am.Tash. says:

    Sorry. I was typing too fast and at work…forgot to do “spellcheck” ;- )

    Like

  3. Danita says:

    You could always “Reply All” it in an email. 😉

    Like

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