Questions About the Field Trip

*Ring Ring*

Secretary:
Thank you for calling Walkerville Elementary School.

Mother:
Hi, yes. I was calling in reference to a permission slip I signed.

Secretary:
Ok.

Mother:
I mean I signed it already…but I got to thinking about it later, and I just needed to see if I could speak to someone who could give me a little more clarity.

Secretary:
I’d be happy to help you with any questions you may have.

Mother:
I’m absolutely certain that you would…the thing is, it’s not just this field                            trip, it’s like…….all of the field trips.

Secretary:
Is it a money issue?

Mother:
No. No, sir. I’ve never actually, um… paid, which I guess is also a question.

Secretary:
Ok.

Mother:
Maybe I should talk to Principal Ruhle?

Secretary:
Ma’am, I’m absolutely certain I can help you navigate through all of your questions. Who’s your child’s teacher?

Mother:
Ms. Frizzle.

Secretary:
Frizzle?

Mother:
Yes.

Secretary:
Oh. (Silence) What….are your questions?

Mother:
Well, yesterday’s permission slip was to go to space.

Secretary:
Mm hmm?

Mother:
And it said that, “Space suits will be provided.”

Secretary:
Mm hmm.

Mother:
And I’m like, “is this pretend?” But then there’s an actual bus departure time, and I’m like, “If an actual bus is leaving then they must be going someplace, ” you know?

Secretary:
Mm hmm.

Mother:
So is it a convention center or….

Secretary:
Um…it is actual space, ma’am.

Mother:
Come again?

Secretary:
They are going to actual space.

Mother:
How exactly?

Secretary:
The bus turns into a spaceship and they leave the Earth’s atmosphere.

Mother:        
(Silence)
Wh—who….are you sure I can’t talk to the principal?

Secretary:
He’s busy at the moment.

Mother:
Who drives the bus?

Secretary:
Ms. Frizzle.

Mother:
Does she…can she do that?

Secretary:
Yes, ma’am. She is very talented.

Mother:
I mean, I’m sure she may have gotten her CDL on the side, but if they’re going to actual space doesn’t she need like…NASA training?

Secretary:
You’d be very surprised what that bus can do on it’s own. It can even drive itself.

Mother:
Like an autopilot kind of thing?

Secretary:
Oh, no ma’am. It’s sentient.

Mother:
The bus is—

Secretary:
Sentient. Yes, ma’am.

Mother:
Are you hearing yourself?

Secretary:
Loud and clear, ma’am.

Mother:
Are there any more field trips this year?

Secretary:
This month?

Mother:
This…this month? There’s more?

Secretary:
Oh, yes ma’am. There’s a trip to the human body, a trip to the lungs—

Mother:
Isn’t that the same thing?

Secretary:
No, ma’am. A trip to the forest, a trip to the desert—

Mother:
When do they learn math?

Secretary:
They are learning skills that are useful. That should make you proud.

Mother:
Riiight. (Silence) Can I chaperone one of the trips?

Secretary:
There’s not room for other adults on the bus, I’m sorry.

Mother:
Of course.

Secretary:
Did I answer all of your questions?

Mother:
No. And honestly, I would take more issue with this but my oldest son came home with this weird ring after joining some environmental, Earth club at school with some other exchange students, and now everything is catching on fire.

Secretary:
Have a great day ma’am!

Little humor for the 80s and 90s babies.

-Danita LaShelle

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