You’ve had it planned out for months! The decorations are beautiful, the place settings are gorgeous, and the lighting is right out of a home design book. And whether you’ve hired caterers or you’ve been cooking all day, you’re finally ready for the party to begin….

Or

There’s a meeting that you’ve planned to inform clients/parents/constituents/neighbors of the upcoming changes that are going to be made. You’ve printed out graphs, put every folder together by hand, you’ve arranged each hors d’oeuvres so that they coincide with the theme of the meeting…

Or

You and your new spouse are patiently waiting to be announced as the new couple to a room of adoring family and friends who were just at the wedding not but an hour ago. You two have been practicing your opening dance for months; which includes a history of dance through Michael Jackson songs…because no one has ever done that before…

But there’s one problem….Nobody. Shows. Up.

Sure your grandma is there, or the office assistant is there, or the older guy, that shows up to every meeting because he has a complaint, is there…but where are your friends? Where are your colleagues? Why is your mom in the corner surrounded by the rest of your family glued to her tiny smart phone?

Are they sports fans?

While you were meticulously planning your amazing event you may have failed to Google what your date conflicted with. Sure, you Googled the weather and stuff, but not the all-important question: “What game is today?”

“Well, it’s not the Super Bowl,”  you say. But the thing is, every sport has a “Super Bowl.” And if you’re married to, do business with, are friends with, or the boss of a sports fan, it would behoove you to keep up with the dates so you don’t accidentally plan your big event on the same day.

Don’t panic. That’s why I’m here.

Here is a comprehensive guide to major sporting events for the non-sports fan who only knows what “The Super Bowl” is.

JANUARY
The “Super Bowl” for College Football
(Also the Golden Globes) No, this isn’t a sport. Just respect it. Ok? 

FEBRUARY
The actual Super Bowl
(Also the Oscars…which is like the “Super Bowl” for Hollywood)
(Also the Grammys…the “Super Bowl” of music)
You know what…just avoid February altogether

MARCH
The “Super Bowl” of College Basketball
*Note: This lasts longer than a day.

APRIL
The “Super Bowl” of Golf
*Note: This is just one of the many

MAY
The “Super Bowl” of Tennis
*Note: Another sport that has many. Just count out May-August on this.
The “Super Bowl” of horse racing… with fancy hats

JUNE
The “Super Bowl” of Basketball….No, professional basketball….the one with adults
The “Super Bowl” of Hockey

JULY
Another “Super Bowl” of Tennis
(Also the “Tonys,” which is the “Super Bowl” of Theatre. And so help you if a Theatre person comes to your house and finds out the party that they’ve been invited to is a non-Tony Awards’ themed party. We will step-ball-change-kick you in the face.)

AUGUST
Again with the Golf “Super Bowl.” No, another one. They have like four, ok!
Oh, and College Football starts…..Trust me, it’s equally as important.

SETEMBER
You’re not totally in the clear here. The first game of the NFL season is during this month…so just…you know…be aware.

OCTOBER
The “Super Bowl” of Baseball
The “Super Bowl” of Soccer….for the WORLD
Also NBA starts up again…yeah I know it seems like it just ended.

FYI: If you’re close to a NASCAR fan, they literally have February – November…good luck with that.

But look on the bright side; you have December to have whatever event you like….for the most part.

You’re welcome!

-Danita LaShelle