A Semi-Open Letter/Rant to PBS

Dear PBS

Aside from the fact that I am certain  all kids’ shows are on an eight episode rotation (probably due to people not donating, shame on them) I figured I’d lend my expertise. Having never worked in children’s television I am absolutely sure that my opinion is absolutely necessary to make sure we raise healthier children…because we all know that allowing our children to watch countless hours of TV is bound to lead them to be upstanding, functional adults.

Sid the Science Kid
I mean what is the deal with this kid? How old is he?  And can Dad not drop him off at school once in a while? And how old are his classmates? And where is the teacher during recess? Better yet, what the heck kind of school is this?  And does the teacher even write lesson plans, or does she just wait for Sid to show up and ask a question?

Martha Speaks
So let me get this straight; a dog eats alphabet soup, and instead of the letters going down to her stomach it goes up to her brain? Do you know the damage you’re doing here? Allowing kids to think they can feed dogs soup? That’s irresponsible! Oh, also the fact that it is anatomically incorrect…at least I think it is…I’m not too clear on the anatomy of a dog so we’re just going to assume that the brain of a dog is not directly connected to…wait… maybe Pavlov was on to something…

Dragon Tales
Yeah ok, I know you don’t show this anymore, but some aspects of this show still bother me. Where are these kids’ parents? How does Mom not notice that her kids go missing everyday for hours at a time? And you can’t tell me that these dragons are this big from eating just “berries” all day.

Angelina Ballerina
Why is she allowed to run around town willy nilly in her costume and pointe shoes? Also, and this is just a gentle suggestion,  making the dark brown mouse an expert at Hip Hop dance, and giving the light brown mouse what can perceived to be a Spanish accent, seems kinda racist and or a stereotypical, or both. Just…you know…from the outside.

The Cat in the Hat Knows..blah blah blah
Listen, I actually want to commend you for fixing the fact that these kids were leaving their yard to go on “adventures” with an obvious hallucination without their moms’ full knowledge. Making the mom see the cat really made a difference…unless you’re implying substance abuse issues, which makes it really irresponsible that she’s at home with the kids by herself.

Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood
This (sobbing) beautiful tribute to (sobbing)…..I just (sobbing) I just miss Mr. Rogers  OK?

My lawyers will be contacting you shortly due to the class action lawsuit from every single mother on Earth.

Who cleans up this dog’s poop? Where is that episode? They live on an ISLAND, it has to go somewhere. And what does Emily Elizabeth’s dad do for a living?

Curious George
What can I complain about that PETA hasn’t already?  No offense to PETA, you all are an upstanding organization. Any organization that proves that Oreos are vegan is OK with me. Wait…what were we talking about?

Word Girl
Excellent Programming keep up the good work.

Odd Squad
Again, I applaud you.

Do something about DW and her attitude.

You’re welcome!

-Danita LaShelle


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